But Dad

"...But Dad..."
For Father's Day

After marriage the next big step in life is to decide to have kids. Whenever I spend time with my niece and nephews (who are really cute, but quite um, how shall we say, active) it always seems to reconfirm our decision to wait, but it will probably be something that will happen before too long. Kids are great, but they are just such a big responsibility. But as comedian Jerry Seinfeld has pointed out, "You get to a point in your life where everybody around you has pretty much caught on to you, so you need to create a whole new person who knows nothing about you."

Fatherhood is a pretty scary concept. Some of you might be saying, "Evan, you think it is scary now, wait until you have a couple of kids, now that's scary!"

Someone might ask how it is then that I might be qualified to speak about fathers since I am not one. True, but I think I have a great father, and even though they say kids don't come with instruction manuals, I think there is one. This morning, we are going to look together at three attributes of a loving father as described in that instruction manual.

It is obvious from an overview of scripture that fatherhood is a pretty important concept. The word father is found some 1500 times in 897 verses of the Bible, and 415 times in the New Testament alone. Jesus himself uses the term 165 times in the Gospels, and it was the way in which he addressed God almost exclusively. It was also the way he taught his disciples (and us) to address God. "Father" signified our new covenant relationship with God through Christ. In fact, J.I. Packer has written, "The richest answer I know to give to the question 'What is a Christian?' is that a Christian is one who has God for his father. If one does not understand this relationship, one does not understand Christianity that well." So then, what are the attributes and characteristics of a loving father?

Please take your instruction manuals, I mean Bibles, and turn with me to Matthew 6:25. This section is part of Jesus' Sermon on the Mount discourse in which he is speaking to his disciples and followers.

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the fields, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given you as well.

I. A True Father Displays His Love Through Providence.

What is providence? Well, we just read about it. More specifically providence is "Divine care or guardianship providing for our needs." God knows what we need, and He takes care of us. The argument is from the lesser to the greater, and is a common argument used by Jesus. If God takes care of the birds, how much more will he take care of you. Look at 7:9 11. I have learned a great deal about providence from my parents. They have known my needs many times without me even mentioning them.

When I first went to seminary years ago, Mom and Dad had just sold me their car I had been using while I was living at home. I had very little money at the time, okay, actually I had no money. This meant I couldn't even afford to pay for car insurance. On their first visit, without my even mentioning it, my parents asked me if I had paid my car insurance. Sheepishly I replied, 'No.' Mom and Dad then worked out a way for me to pay them over a period of time in exchange for paying off my insurance. They knew what I needed. It was a great display of love, but how much greater is our father in heaven? His provisions are unequaled and innumerable. God has always watched over and cared for his people. In the dessert he gave the Israelites water and manna. Deuteronomy 1:31 states, "And in the dessert, there you saw how the Lord your God carried you, as a father carries his son..."

A true father displays his love through his care and providence. This point we love to talk about, but the next one...is a bit more difficult. Turn to Hebrews 12:5 11.

And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: "My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son." Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

II. A True Father Displays His Love Through Discipline.

Ouch! That hurts to say doesn't it?

On Late Night With David Letterman a few years ago, TV and movie star Michael J. Fox was on. He talked about how his 6 month old son, Sam, "pretty much runs the show." He meant it as a joke, but it is all too often true, and sadly not too funny.

An article in the Minneapolis, Minnesota Sunday Tribune once stated that there is "A new obnoxious epidemic out there: Wimpy parenting." The article sites a 20 year research project conducted by U.C. Berkeley (often a bastian of liberal and twisted human philosophy) that states permissive parents create children who are immature, low in self esteem and self reliance and independence, and lacking self discipline. In later life, the study points out, these children turned teenagers have had disproportionately high numbers of social and academic problems. The conductors of the research suggest the motto: Firm, demanding control, by warm, caring parents.

Image this scene. A father approaches his son after he has just done something terribly wrong. "Boy, you have really done it this time! You are going to have to be punished severely this time buster!" "Dad," the son calmly replies, "why don't you save the effort. If you punish me, first you're going to have to think up something really good that will make me effectively learn my lesson, and then you are going to have to sit around here all day long and make sure that I stick to it. Why don't you just tell me not to do it again, and go enjoy the day." "Hmmm...okay, run along you little scamp...and don't do it again." That is the easy way out. The example sounds ridiculous doesn't it, but that type of discipline happens more often than we think.

Dr. James Dobson states, "Discipline and love are not antithetical, one is a function of the other." It is a negative attitude toward discipline which the author of Hebrews is trying to counteract here in this passage. He states that the words of Proverbs 3:11 12, which he quotes, are to be encouraging not discouraging. Discipline is part of loving someone, but it can be tough. It might mean that your child will be angry at you for a time. They may even give you the silent treatment, but those consequences are far more easily dealt with than the long term effects of "wimpy" discipline. You've heard the line, as your mom or dad disciplines you, "This hurts me more than it hurts you." I always thought, why don't we trade places then, that way you could really punish me.

The truth is, our earthly parents aren't always perfect or consistent in their discipline, but Dr. Charlie Shedd has written:

Fathers. One day when the time is right, I must say to my son: "God is your heavenly father and you can be glad that's true. I am your earthly father. But there is a big difference. Your heavenly Father is like a perfect father. But since I am not, you must learn to contrast. Whenever I am the right kind of father, that's how God is. But whenever I am not, God is the opposite. Unless you remember this, you might not like God."

My grandmother, who has gone through a lot of loss in her life, has often stated, "The Bible says that God disciplines those he loves, but I wish sometimes that he didn't love me so much."

Discipline is tough, but discipline builds respect; and understanding God comes from understanding good discipline.

Verse 9 is another argument from the lesser to the greater.

But a true father not only displays his love through providence and discipline, but also through forgiveness. Turn with me to Matthew 6:6 15.

But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you...for if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you...

III. A True Father Displays His Love Through Forgiveness.

I know about this as well.

While driving in the school parking lot one day when I was in 11th grade, I got into a little fender bender with my dad's car. I was pretty nervous and upset about the incident, and I just wanted to get home and get it over with. On my way home however, my mind was on other things, and I didn't see the police car poised on a side street. He pulled me over and gave me a $38 ticket. Oh boy, now I knew I was dead meat. When dad got home I was in my bed crying. He came in and asked me what was wrong, and I managed to squeak out the events of the day through those hiccups you get when you've been crying. What would the reply be? You're grounded! You'll never drive a car again, young man! You really messed things up this time! I tried to stop hiccuping for a minute so I could hear the grim proclamation of my doomed fate. "Oh Ev, I'm sorry, its okay, we will work things out." Huh? What was that? Forgiveness is tough sometimes, but it is one powerful display of love.

The forgiveness God gave us through His only son is without a doubt the greatest display of love ever! And, it is that wonderful salvation which we have been talking about these past few months in our study of 1 Peter.

Our heavenly father is perfect, and He displays his love through His providence, through His discipline, and through His forgiveness. Do you? Matthew 5:48 gives us the ultimate challenge, "Be perfect, as your heavenly father is perfect." How about that as a goal to reach for! Fatherhood is a challenge, but it can deliver great rewards. If you are currently a father, take the challenge. Be intentional about displaying love in these ways. If your not a father, or maybe you have had a bad experience with your father, or perhaps you don't even know him, this is for you too, reflect upon the love your heavenly father has bestowed on you. Take the challenge from 1 Peter 1:14-16 we studied some weeks ago,

As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. 15 But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; 16 for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy."

Earthly fathers are imperfect, but your great God and Father in heaven IS perfect and displays his love for you in so many ways. Reflect on this, and if your like me, the feeling will overcome you.

Especially on Father's Day, but also throughout the year, let all of us, students, grandparents, mothers and fathers, men and women, sons and daughters, honor our fathers on earth and give praise to our True Father in heaven.

I wanted to give something to my Dad on Father's Day this year. But since he is about 1600 miles away, I decided to write a poem for him, and I would like to share it with you in closing.

Dear Dad,
I would guess it wasn't easy raising me.
Why do I guess that?
Because I know me.
I would guess there were times when you became frustrated, even mad.
I sometimes have that effect on people.
I would guess that time I lit those newspapers on fire in the back yard, and you had to come running over from church to put out the flame, you weren't too happy with me.
I would guess the time I lied about where I had been when I lit off firecrackers at the neighbors, you were probably more than a little worried.
I would guess that you almost had a nervous breakdown the time I came home a little after I was supposed to, okay, a lot after I was supposed to.
I would guess you were pretty disappointed when I dropped out of pee wee hockey,
just after you had bought me all that equipment.
I would guess it made you mad when I would never mow the lawn when you wanted me to,
and the grass would get so high you couldn't get the mower through it.
I would guess it was hard to spank me when I wouldn't cry.
I would guess you wished you had spanked me more.
I would guess it must have hurt when I would refuse to look at you during arguments, ah I mean discussions.
I would guess you grew pretty tired of my stubbornness.
Yes, I would guess it wasn't all smiles raising me,
an understatement right? I would guess.
But Dad,
I never had to guess you loved me
I knew it
I know it
It showed, always.
I never had to guess that you wanted the best for me
You always did what you could.
I never had to guess that deep down you were proud of me.
I never had to guess that you were a man of God,
You are.
I never had to guess I was important to you,
Your actions made it plain.
And Dad,
I never really had to guess who I wanted to be like,
Your example was irresistible.
And someday Dad,
I hope to be a dad,
pretty much like you.
I would guess that's okay with you.
Thanks Dad, I love you,
Your son, Evan.